Without Him
by JoBelle
Summary: What happened in "Hero" between Angel & Cordy watching Doyle's video and the last scene of them on the docks. It's the Prologue to a longer series I've got in the works but can be read as a stand alone.


Without Him  
By JoBelle  
jodie@dawsonscreek.zzn.com  
  
Spoilers: Hero, all the way through and if you haven't seen it this won't make much sense.  
  
Disclaimer: The cast of "Angel" aint mine, if they were Doyle wouldn't be dead and there'd be no need for this fic but he is and Joss you're evil but they're still yours and so here's my heartfelt plea for you not to sue, I mean no infringement on any1's copyright and besides I've got nothing you'd like anyways! *S*  
  
Prologue:  
  
"Angel? Can I use your shower? I've got all this dirt on me and..."  
"Go ahead Cordelia. It's okay." Angel interrupted the girl's request, she smiled halfheartedly at him in thanks and turned to walk into the elevator. Angel sighed worriedly after her as he watched her shut the doors to the old freight elevator and begin her descent into his apartment. She hadn't said a word in the car ride over here, hadn't said a word since bursting into tears after Doyle disappeared in the flash of light - died. He died in the bright flash of light-Angel corrected himself sternly. There was no room for denial or false hope or sugar coating here. Doyle was dead and there was no changing that. He had to worry about Cordelia now. She hadn't even cried since her first breakdown earlier that night and Angel feared she was slipping into shock.   
Heaving another huge sigh Angel rose from his chair to make his way down to the apartment. He had just sat down on his bed and begun to pull his shirt over his head in favor of a clean one when he heard the clatter in the bathroom.  
  
Cordelia Chase stepped into the shower stall and turned on the spray, adjusting the knobs to suit the temperature she wanted then reached for the bar of soap. God, she was filthy, the grit embedded deep down under her fingernails. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been this dirty. Oh no wait, it had been after taking apart that giant calamari with - Doyle… No! Don't think about it. Do not think about it! Think about something else! Your hair, your hair needs washing Cordelia. Think about that. She instructed herself, reaching blindly behind her for the shampoo. Her fingers closed around a bottle and she grabbed it up, flipping the top and pouring some into her hand. She had already started working her hair into a thick lather before the scent began to penetrate her senses. Oh God! This was his shampoo! The one he left over at Angel's in case of emergency. She knew because she'd been with him when he'd bought it after Angel had bitched at them both for using up his shampoo after the calamari incident.  
Oh dear God!  
And as she stared at the bottle all her resolutions not to cry again went out the window. Hurling the bottle away from her as if it had burnt her fingers, she sank down against the white tile as the emotions of the evening overwhelmed her and once again she began to sob in earnest. She buried her face in her hands, her wet hair falling about her cheeks as the water from the shower continued to pour over her head washing the shampoo and her tears down the drain.  
  
"Cordelia?" Angel called sticking his head into the bathroom, knowing he was going to be yelled at if she was all right but risking it anyway. "Cordelia?" he tried again, looking around the small room and was suddenly glad he had risked her wrath as he spotted her curled into a tight little shuddering ball against one of the shower walls sobbing her heart out.  
"Cordelia…" he breathed softly. Grabbing up one of the bath sheets from the pile on top of the clothes hamper, he quickly reached in and shut off the shower which had gone from warm to freezing long ago, gathering her shivering form first into the towel and then his arms, lifting her easily out of the tub. He carried her into his room and sat down on the bed with her still in his arms her long legs curled under her on his lap as she wept brokenly into the front of his shirt.  
"Oh God Angel, how could this have happened? I mean it couldn't have! He'd just finally asked me out, how could it have ended before it even began?" Cordelia wailed hysterically and began to sob with renewed fervor as Angel rocked her comfortingly, stroking her wet hair away from her face and making soothing noises as she cried, silent tears of grief and sorrow for both his friends, streaming unnoticed down his own face.  
Finally Cordelia cried herself to sleep and Angel lay there quietly with her on his chest, mulling over how they were to continue on without Doyle.  



End file.
